You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
