Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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