he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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