Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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