Whatcha textin bout Willis?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
