Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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