Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've blown a few things in my day
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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