i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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