New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
