Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
