i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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