I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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