Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize