some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
