i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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