there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
