Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
