So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
