don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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