I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
organizing the empties. That sober.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
