No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
