If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Randomize
