I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
