We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
