The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
