As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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