I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize