You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
smell my finger.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
