You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
