sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize