just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
