Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize