is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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