I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
