You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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