So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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