2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
