Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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