come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
