just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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