i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
PANTIES FOUND
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
