dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
