dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
