you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
