I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.