So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.