naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
