So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.