I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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