At least make sure they are 18
Why
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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