Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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