i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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