I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
