i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize