So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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