I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
