I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
