come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
