ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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