Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
