I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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