If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
