Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
