The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I want her autograph on my taint
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just pee around me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
