I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
