i just wanna soil my oats bro
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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