i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
