Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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