If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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