I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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