i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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