I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
