I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
