Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
