Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
