careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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