Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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